6 ways women have been living from the wounded feminine

Over the years, through personal healing and coaching other women, I have observed a common pattern of confusion among women. We're doing it all. We're doing what we think is right, in fact we're doing everything right. The way we've been told and taught. Yet we're not feeling better, our bodies are not responding like we had hoped, in fact, despite our best efforts, we're often feeling worse instead of better. We experience unfulfillment, disconnection, and depletion, and the kicker is, we begin to wonder what is wrong with us? So as a result, we do more.

In this blog post, we will explore six ways in which women have been living from a disempowered and disconnected feminine, inadvertently affecting their hormonal balance, their happiness, and their vitality. But more importantly, we will discuss how we can reclaim our power and reconnect with our authentic selves.

• Thinking the feminine is weak

Not honouring or valuing the feminine energy can create tension and resistance internally. When we continually revert to more masculine dominant traits this distances us even more from our core essence. We are literally fighting against our own nature and suppressing our innate expression that is anything but weak, it’s just powerful in its own way. The wounded feminine is disconnected, rigid, controlling, and can result in both physical and emotional distress.

• Good girl syndrome

“Do as you’re told”

“Be seen not heard”

“Don’t make others uncomfortable”

“Don’t rock the boat”

“Wait your turn”

“You’re too much”

“Don’t stand out”​
​

As women we have learned to self-abandon for the sake of others. To be quiet, to not be too much. We have learned to squash our intuition, our inner authority, our inner power. We learn not to trust ourselves or our bodies. So we don't. We are constantly waiting for permission.​

We put on the masks to hide the true version of ourselves, suppress what we are actually feeling, we feel unfulfilled and like we don’t actually know who we are, and if we do we're afraid to be her completely. We live in fear of judgment, fear of not being enough, fear of being wrong, and in fear of rejection.
​
This creates resentment and distrust towards ourselves and the feminine and puts us in a victim mentality, instead of showing up as the co-creator of our lives.

• Attacking the masculine

The feminist movement can be toxic when we attack the masculine and swing way too far over to the masculine energy ourselves.

This can create physical imbalances and tension in our relationships. There is a difference between the wounded and the healthy masculine. The truth is we need both the masculine and the feminine energies individually and collectively, when we neglect or attack one, they both suffer.

• Not asking for and receiving support

A sign of the wounded feminine is rejecting support and not being able to receive. The feminine is built to receive, that’s her natural essence. When we believe that we need to control or force or push to get what we want, when we reject support, we operate from the wounded masculine, because we feel like we have to. This comes from an energy of scarcity and lack and we suffer as a result thinking we have to do it all alone.
​

• Following health trends based on male biology

Women are often doing more without nurturing their feminine energy, honouring their cyclical patterns, or replenishing their oxytocin levels. The female endocrine system doesn’t need more intensity it needs more rest, it doesn’t need more restrictions, it needs more nourishment. It doesn’t respond well to masculine dominant approaches to health that have mainly been studied on men and menopausal women who do not have cycling hormones.
​

• Ignoring their cyclical nature and doing the same things in every phase of their female cycle

Women do not have the same physiology as men so why are we following masculine type approaches to health and living? These strategies do not take into consideration the fluctuating needs of cycling females and can result in burn out, fatigue, mood swings, anxiety, PMS, irregular or missing periods, and fertility issues. Our hormones fluctuate throughout the month according to a 28 day -ish cycle, which means our physical, social, mental, emotional needs will also change and vary accordingly.

Healing the Wounded Feminine

To reconnect with our feminine energy and establish hormonal balance, we need to embrace our authentic selves and honor our unique needs and rhythms. Here are practical steps to guide you on this journey:

• Practice saying no when you want to say no:
  No is a complete sentence, and you're allowed to use it.! You get to decide what you tolerate and accept. Saying no doesn't make you a b*tch, in fact, others will respect you for speaking your truth, and at the same time you give them permission to do the same. We are not responsible for other people's reactions, we are only responsible for our communication.

• Practice saying yes when you want to say yes:

  Continually denying yourself what you want to say yes to will create resentment internally.

  Getting in touch with your desires might be foreign. Saying yes to yourself and what you want might be uncomfortable. So start with the little things: what you want to eat, what clothes you want to wear, what movie you want to watch, etc. Notice how your body will expand in response to a yes and contract in response to a no, and follow that.
  
  

• Stop justifying and over-explaining:
  Trust your decisions without feeling the need to justify them. Inform rather than seek permission, as you are your own authority.
  
  

• Enforce boundaries:
  It’s easy to say you have boundaries until you need to enforce them, then it can become a very different story, because we don’t want to upset others or make them uncomfortable - yet we continually do it to ourselves. If a line is being crossed, it’s time to speak up. Even better, make your boundaries clear from the get-go. When we each communicate our boundaries and enforce them we send the message to other women that they can too, out of self-respect for one another. Then it’s no longer a big deal and instead becomes the norm.
  
  

• Understand your cyclical nature:
  You aren’t meant to function on a 24 hour clock like men because you also have an infradian rhythm - the female cycle that follows a 28-day-ish pattern - so your needs will differ throughout the month.
  ​
  Start tracking and charting your cycle and noticing how your needs, energy, mood, and appetite fluctuate and honor that (P.S my PCOS course goes into this in-depth)
  
  

• Tune into your body versus your mind:
  Do you need to tone down your workouts? Do you need more food? Do you need a rest day? Are you feeling more social? Do you need to retreat and have some solo time? Honor where you are at instead of forcing yourself into showing up the same way day after day, this just creates internal resistance and depletes the endocrine system.
  
  

• Be your own authority:
  Yes we can all learn from others, but you will always be the expert on you! Start to pay attention to yourself. Hearing your own voice often takes some practice because we are constantly distracting ourselves and looking to others for answers. Start to create some space during your day for silence, introspection, nature… where you can be with you and tune out the external noise, this is how you develop your intuition and start to hear your inner voice instead of the mind chatter that is full of the fears, scarcity and "shoulds" of others.
  
  

• Celebrate yourself and other women:
  We are not here to compete with one another or tear each other down. Nor are we here to beat ourselves up. When we celebrate ourselves and other women, when we cheer ourselves on and other women - we create a safe place for all of us to win. We are stronger together and in collaboration than we are separated and in competition.
  

  Standing in your power doesn’t make you a bad girl.

  Read that again.
  
  
  

  It's time to break free from the conditioning that constantly demands us to be "good" by adhering to rules that were never truly agreed upon in the first place. These rules were never questioned, leading us to avoid any form of conflict, disapproval, or rejection. However, in the process, we end up rejecting, abandoning, and disapproving of ourselves.
  
  

  We get to challenge the way it has been done and taught.
  
  

  When we each start to take radical responsibility for the way we show up and communicate, for what we will and will not tolerate, and for our needs and desires…

  We set ourselves free:
  

• We can accept all parts of ourselves without constantly needing to hide or fix ourselves.

• We can make our own decisions without constantly second-guessing and looking to others.

• We can show up in the world as who we are and take off the masks.

• We can stay true to ourselves despite the opinion of others.

• We can be there for others out of genuine love and care and from a full cup instead of from resentment, guilt, or obligation.

• We can express ourselves authentically without filtering what we actually want to say.

• We can move through our emotions without projecting them onto others or identifying with the feeling.

• We can receive our desires without questioning if we are worthy of them or fearing what others will think of us.

• We can experience genuine connection that is secure and safe because we are.

  It’s in these micro-moments that we reclaim our power, and not in a controlling or superior way, in a way that says "this is who I am, and I’m okay with it no matter what".

  We each give ourselves permission to be who we really are, and that creates a ripple effect.

  ​This is where we rise individually and collectively.

  ​It starts with each one of us ♡